An Adventure & Amanda

Somewhere along life’s path I lost myself. Or maybe it’s not so much that I lost myself as I never quite found who I am. I have always been ashamed of myself- feeling like I can’t quite measure up to the high standard the world and I have set. When we moved to Minnesota, I knew I couldn’t keep living my life like that. My own self-consciousness was prohibiting me from being my best self, making new friends, and trying new things. Something had to give. I really admire the girls I have met. They all seem so cool and confident in themselves. I told myself depressingly that they would never want to be friends with me because I’m too weird, awkward, nerdy, shy...I could keep going for days. So I sat and I thought. What was it that drew me to these individuals (and those I've known in the past)? The thought unraveled slowly as I began to realize that they are unashamedly themselves. They don’t apologize for who they are- they embrace their whole selves and share that with others. I ...

Okay so in case you didn’t know, surprise, Kyle and I are expecting a baby boy potentially any day now! Also, before you assume by our lack of publicly announcing or posting any pictures, we are beyond excited. We spend many nights in baby's room imagining what this crazy but beautiful journey will be like. I've started countless blog posts but they all feel wrong.  Then I realized that I was writing them only to explain our lack of publicity about having a baby.  I don't need to excuse anything and instead, I want to reach out to anyone who may also be struggling with fertility issues.   I had a friend tell me that I must be excited because I’ve been waiting for this baby for nine months now. The truth is Kyle and I have been waiting for nearly 2 1/2 years to hold our child.   We started out so hopeful and even through the first 3,4,5...negative pregnancy tests we were still excited.  Slowly our hope began to diminish and one day we found ourselve...

It has been too long since I've poured my soul into a blog post.  It isn't that I have nothing to say; I've actually started several posts, but alas they sit as drafts forever doomed to silence on my dashboard. The truth is, I feel as though my trials must be borne quietly.  I am scared that my hardships are too minimal compared to what many others must undergo.  I am scared that I will come across as dramatic.  I am scared that you won't understand. I suppress my feelings inside of me.  They eat away at my brain and claw at my throat trying to get out.  I lock the door and vow myself to bear all things on my own.  I will myself to be strong because I know I am.  Yet every so often, you will see my facade slip and my darkest nightmares flash across my tired eyes. I whisper: I am strong, I am strong, I am strong.

Dear friends, family, and loved ones: This year has been full of many changes for Kyle and I.  We are finally starting to feel like grown ups which is both scary and exciting!!! Kyle graduated in April with a Bachelors of Science in Chemical Engineering.  Originally we had plans to move to Colorado after graduation as Kyle had a job offer with a company in Denver.  Things unfortunately did not work but we were blessed to be able to find another job! Kyle currently works in Cedar Hills, Utah at Cascade Energy.  He is an energy consultant and helps companies save money by being more energy efficient.  Kyle finished out his last year of rugby with a national championship win.  Over the summer Kyle picked up a new hobby- mountain biking.  I am thankful that he has yet to break any bones and I am glad that he has found something that makes him so happy. I also graduated from BYU in April with a Bachelors of Science in Elementary Education.  I wa...

I'm seriously about to cry over the fact that my summer is over.  It feels like just yesterday I ran through the school hallways throwing paper in the air with joy (just kidding, but I did go to lunch to celebrate)! As quick as summer has gone by, I've had some really good times and I finally  got around to those projects I've been putting off for forever. So without further ado Amanda's summer via 22 hashtags: #antlersmakethebestconvostarters #finallymasteredthesewingmachine #allIdoiswin #whathappensatlakepowellstaysatlakepowell  #sunshinegetonourbodies #stillinlovetwoyearslater #callforagoodtime #welostourswimsuitbottomsforthis #madskillz #itwashigherthanitlooks #stillcallingourselvesthewolfpack #NOTattheRiv #reinactingourspiritanimals? #doublefistingit #freebiequeens  #betterthanpotterbarndiy  #predroolingatthecarnival #vonmillersheadistheresomewhere #everbeenlickedbyagiraffe? #mygrandmaiscoole...

Sooooo likeeeeee remember how we are supposed to be living the life in Colorado right now? As it turns out, Heavenly Father had a different plan for Kyle and I: Due to the decline in oil prices, the company in Colorado that Kyle had a job with had to rescind all new job offers.  I'd be lying if I told you this was no big deal for us.  We heard the news mid-March which was just a month shy of graduation and the real world.  It was pretty easy to be angry initially.  I mean, this was our "dream" job in our "dream" state and with just one phone call it was all gone. I have to say that Kyle and I felt a lot of love and support during this difficult time.  Many family and friends graciously reached out to us.  My grandma offered me some really helpful advice: "the Lord has taken care of you so far.  Isn't it exciting to know that he will continue to take care of you no matter where you will go?"  Grandma, thanks for that advice.  Combined with...

Let's start off with a disclaimer: I am no where near a fitness expert.  I understand that many of my friends are amazingly fit and healthy and probably do a much better job at it than I do.  ...that said, this post comes from a person who is actually extremely lazy and used to enjoy sitting on the couch and would often count walking up the stairs as her daily workout routine.  I am here today to inspire those couch-lovers by telling you how I learned to love exercising and offer advice for how you can learn to love it too.  Do what you like. I hate  running (that might be an understatement).  I find no satisfaction in stretching my lungs to the point of near-suffocation.  I do not like running outside, I do not like running on the treadmill, I do not like running anywhere (I do not like green eggs and ham Sam I am)!  So guess what? I explored other fitness options.  I started biking. I love biking!  I started lifting weights....

Rewind to about one-year ago: I was extremely stressed and confused about making a decision of where to complete my internship.  I had several great options before me and I made an extensive pros and cons list for the different districts.  My mind kept coming back to one district: Wasatch.  "But, but, it's FAR...and I don't know the schools as well and I don't know many of the other interns and, and..."  Needless to say, Wasatch was not my first choice originally. I spent a good portion of my time praying and studying the issue out in my mind and with my husband.  Although he also thought that Heber was far, every time I would discuss the weighty matter with him he would say: "it sounds like you already know where you need to be." So, Wasatch it was. Now, fast-forward to present day: Looking back recently on some of my intern experiences, I have felt an overwhelming sense of love.  Though teaching is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I k...

I've started writing this post several times over but I just cannot seem to get the words out right.  I keep getting the feeling that this is something I need  to share.  With that said and although I am lacking eloquence, here goes nothing: I am competitive.  I did not realize this until last year when one of my absolute favorite professors spoke to our class about pride in the workplace.  He presented my new favorite quote: After hearing this quote I began to examine my relationships more closely, I realized that I would subconsciously put others down in an attempt to make myself seem "better."  As a result, this has had quite the adverse effects on my confidence.   For example, I have been trying to jump the wake for years on the wakeboard.  This past summer my younger  brother successfully jumped the wake and surpassed me in wakeboarding skills.  At first I was upset that I was no longer the top wakeboarder in the ...

I love teaching. I love my students.  I love eating lunch with them.  I love sitting with them on the bus.  I love playing with them at recess.  I love getting letters from them.  I love our conversations.  I love their toothless smiles.  I love their innocence.  I love their desire to do good. I love the way teaching makes me feel.  Yes, I come home exhausted and frustrated more than I should, but I love that I can spend my entire morning in tears and then walk into the school and feel like I am home.  I love the fact that I can be goofy and my students still love me for who I am.  I love the confidence I gain from teaching. I love that I can do hard things. <33 Amanda

Wait. What. Is it really November? October was such a blur, I feel like I skipped the month entirely. However, October was actually a really big month for Kyle and I... First of all, teaching is getting better.  I am only crying every few weeks and I am actually enjoying myself more than I thought I would!  I cannot express my gratitude for the people I work with and the students I teach. Second of all, I had my first ever fall break!  In order to make the most of it, I shamelessly avoided any and all work and escaped to Moab with the family.  You never know what is going to happen when all nine and a half of us get together.  Besides everyone contracting the flu, we explored various arches and rode bikes and ate too much yummy food. Family is good for the soul. Third of all, we have some exciting news... we... HAVE A LIFE AFTER COLLEGE! Details, details: Kyle has been big kid job hunting. First we thought we'd be in Amarillo, TX. ...

This post actually began a lot differently...with a lot more pessimism.  I will spare you the pain of listening to my pity party.  Instead, I have decided to count my blessings (all 17 of them).  You're welcome.  Five Week's Worth of Under-appreciated Blessings: 1. One school morning was particularly rough.  I cried up until two minutes before the bell rang.  I plastered a fake smile on my face and warmly welcomed my students to class.  As I was checking their morning work one student said: "Mrs. Lontine, I'm going to buy a Broncos shirt."  Me: "Like the Denver Broncos?" Student: "Yes, like the Denver Broncos football team!"  I don't know if my students are learning much, but at least they know which football team to cheer for. 2. Small success such as getting a student to come to school or teaching a math lesson where every one is actually paying attention.   3. Participating in the school walk-a-thon and having five s...

Soooooooo... I start teaching in four weeks.  The thought of twenty-one little children staring up at me and calling me teacher causes me to hyperventilate.  {WHAT IF...} <---- the question that Kyle has had to combat one too many times lately. Fact: I am not ready. In order to manage my stress, I have been praying for peace of mind.  Like really, really praying.  The answer to my prayer came in the form of the nicest elderly lady I have ever met and a series of events that played perfectly into what I needed. Allow me to elaborate: 1. In church I sat down in an empty row and then immediately felt like I needed to sit in the seat behind me. 2. I was friendly.  Sometimes I get uncomfortable and quiet (miracle, I know mom) when I am in new places.  Instead I turned to the woman next to me and said: "Hi, how are you doing today?" 3. She was so  kind.  It was like she had just been waiting for someone to ask her that question and then she...

Alright confession time:    I like Wisconsin. Okay, I'm so glad I finally got that off my chest.  I know the past few blog posts have consisted of sarcastic hints about how crazy life is in Wisconsin but today I realized I only have about 15 days left here and I honestly got a little teary-eyed. Aye well what changed? First: The people here are SO nice.  They would do anything for anyone.  I am constantly amazed at the generosity and love from the people in this area. Second: Summertime in Wisconsin is a dream.  It is 100% gorgeous.  At least once everyday I literally scream: "THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL."  And that's because it is. See for yourself: Third:  Being out here I've realized that I often take Utah for granted.  That said, I think it has been really good for Kyle and I to live away from everyone and everything for a while [[don't worry we still love you]].  By this I mean that we have been ...

Oooooooooooh life. Actually let me clarify: ooooooooh life in Wisconsin. When we first moved in Mike told me about this crazy woodchuck that kept digging holes in his storage shed.  I had no idea that woodchucks were actually real until Friday when I noticed a strange beaver-like animal wandering around the shed.  I told Mike and he got this crazy look in his eye, grabbed his gun and fired off a few rounds.  The "poor" thing ran around whimpering and I had to go inside because it tugged a little at my heart-strings. Well that was Friday morning.  The rest of the weekend consisted of "woodchuck watch out" as we realized that the woodchuck has 5-6 babies.   **Sorry for all you animal lovers out there.   This afternoon Kyle went missing and I found him climbing through the bushes with his handgun looking for more woodchucks.  This happened: Yeah, I don't even like animals but I couldn't quite stomach the dead woodchuck.  Poor little guy n...

You pass people on the highway eating slices of cheese.   People say things like "beg" and "knoo" [[translations: "bag" and "know]] You wake up at 5:30am to Mike yelling about a black bear in the front yard Towns consist solely of a bar and gas station The country to pop radio station ratio is 10:1 You can still see the sun even though it is 9:30pm Your water tastes like copper because it comes from a well There are hidden cheese factories between towns I cannot believe we have only been in Wisconsin for one week!  It feels like we have been here for months.  Last week Kyle went to work and I went out to find work.  I narrowed my search down to three options: The Dollar Tree, Wal-mart, and a daycare.  After being offered a job at Wal-mart, I shamelessly begged my way into an interview and an eventual job at the daycare.  I am going to be designing the summer program for the "school-age" kids (5-12) with another girl.  So far I am ...

Things I like about Wisconsin: No matter where you live, you will have a forest in your backyard. Albino squirrels The laid-back-sit-around-the-campfire-while-grilling-steak lifestyle Lack of traffic. Waking up to a bajillion birds chirrping [pretty sure there is a mockingjay out there somewhere] Friendly, hard-working, people The back country roads and rolling hills and green trees for miles on miles No matter where you look, you will see some body of water. Shootin' 22s in the backyard There is a DQ in town The wide open spaces Things I dislike about Wisconsin: Midwest storms including (but not limited to): "heavy rainfall, damaging winds, large hail, and possibly a tornado." There are not direct roadways between the cities.  To get from New Richmond to Hudson we have to take Highway K to Highway A which merges with Highway I which then turns into Highway E and somehow we end up on Highway U...what. We pulled into Wisconsin  late  Saturday night. ...

Okay so maybe I'm being too dramatic about this move but it has been a whirlwind of a month:    From classroom prepping to dumpster diving for cardboard boxes to winning a national championship to spending a week vacationing in Colorado- we have had a busy few weeks!!! Now we are in the car Wisconsin bound!  I think I can speak for Kyle as well when I say we are pretty nervous.  We have heard many good things about the area we are moving to- cheese curds,  lakes galore, wide open spaces... it's just that Wisconsin is uncharted territory for us both. All we've ever known is the west. That said we are excited and grateful to be going on this adventure together. Lately I've realized that in these times all I can do is make the most of the journey. This means learning to laugh when the situation might not be ideal. That said,  I think this will be a very memorable summer. Kyle and I have our bikes, tent,  and each other so bring on the unknown-for bet...

There seems to be a common theme of frustration whenever I talk to anyone who has been applying for internships.  Believe me, I mean it when I say "I know how you feel." Thursday night Kyle and I cried some tears of joy as we realized that our seven-month trial of patience and faith was finally [[hopefully]] coming to an end...a happy end.  Kyle has been diligently applying for internships since September and even though he had submitted 100+ applications and had many contacts/promising outlooks nothing was working out .  I tried to be very supportive of Kyle through the entire process but may have hit a breaking point when I "filled" out my calendar for May and realized the great unknown that was post-May 3rd. Okay fine. So we'll just stay in Utah for the summer and work.  Kyle and I both found jobs and I even started making a Utah Summer Bucket list. Then Thursday night Kyle was working on his computer when all of a sudden he got really serious and ...

Well, I am finally a college senior.  I MADE IT. Although I am beyond excited to be done at BYU, I felt a little melancholy as I walked across campus today.  My freshman year was not the smoothest and as I reflected on how I could have made this experience better, I decided to pass my knowledge along.      1. GO TO CLASS.  Most freshman classes have 200+ students and so taking attendance is impossible.  Initially I saw this as an opportunity to sleep in, watch Lost , and ultimately ditch class.  I am here to testify that missing class is not worth it .  It is oh so tempting but I promise that you will look back three years later and kick yourself when you look at your grades.      My friend put it in a really motivating way: tuition costs about $2,375.  Let's assume you take the average freshman load of about 14 credits.  That means that PER credit you are paying about $170! You can buy 34 Little Caesar's...